"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to become a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself." (Harvey S. Firestone)
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I take great offense when I hear an adult explain that bullying is merely a form of teasing or harassment that's part of typical child development. "Kids will be kids!" "That kid needs to toughen up." "You're too sensitive...you need a thicker skin." Bull patties.
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| Words leave scars, too. |
My head wants to explode in anger, frustration and disgust. Having been a victim of bullying from 4th through 8th grade, I know first-hand how it feels and the sense of helplessness when you're not protected, not believed, and the behavior doesn't stop. It sucks. Infinity.
My intent is to define bullying in terms that most people can understand, with the hope that awareness will prevent and stop this pervasive and damaging abuse from being a common occurrence in victims' lives.
Bullying is . . .
- Treating others in an overbearing or intimidating manner
- Humiliating another person by any means necessary
- Belittling another and trying to make another person feel bad
- Provoking evil behavior upon another to make self look good
- Being manipulative toward another
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- rumors
- teasing
- leaving someone out
- hitting
- threats
- gossiping
- mean words, racial slurs, etc.
- name-calling
- stealing from the victim
- kicking
- pushing
- damaging victim's property
- lies
- insults
- harassment
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| googleimages.com |
Perhaps the question should be, where doesn't bullying take place. It happens at home, in school/college, at work, at the mall...in short, everywhere. And it doesn't discriminate based on race, religious beliefs, gender, or socioeconomic status. We're all capable of being bullies or victims.
What are the dynamics of bullying?
- sibling-sibling
- child-parent
- parent-child
- parent-parent
- child-child
- teacher-teacher
- teacher-student
- student-student
- student-teacher
- boss-employee
- employee-boss
- employee-employee
- boss-boss
- person-stranger
In the movies, the bully is often the dumb, insecure kid who picks on people to boost his self-confidence. It's the angry, outcast student who hates other girls who are prettier and more popular than she.
However, research finds that most bullies in actuality are the successful, popular, outgoing people in school or work. They know how to manipulate situations. They know how to target victims without the authorities catching them. And most importantly, they lack the ability to empathize.
Bullies are also characterized as individuals who have been bullied in the past, and who only feel powerful when intimidating and harming others.
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| Don't these two girls have anything else better to do? |
One would think that as people mature and progress through life, they would stop behaviors of their youth. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Sadly, adults can be bullies, just like their younger counterparts.
While adults are more likely to use verbal bullying as opposed to physical, the fact of the matter is that adult bullying exists. The goal of an adult bully is to gain power over another person, and make himself or herself the dominant adult. They try to humiliate victims, and show them who's boss.
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| Tyler Clementi |
The media didn't use the term "bullying" when telling Clementi's story. As such, his roommate was found to not have been responsible for Clementi's death. [I still can't believe it.]
Students who've witnessed or have been on the receiving end of unfortunate incidents don't know which label to use. [Neither do college administrators and judicial officers, for that matter.] Is it hazing? Harassment? Leftover adolescent behaviors? People just being people? No. It's bullying. Bullying is emotional, psychological and physical abuse. Period.
Cyberbullying
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| This shiz hurts big time. |
Anonymity makes it easier for a bully to attack his/her victim and have no emotional reaction because it's done without actually looking the victim in the eye. (The sign of true cowardice, in my opinion.)
A 2009 MTV survey of about 1,250 people, aged 14-24, found that 50% of those individuals had experienced abusive behavior that was technologically delivered. It also found that older teens (18-24) and females were more likely to be targeted. As the social media continue to play a significant role in daily life, these numbers are expected to increase exponentially.
What are the effects of bullying?
Some people are lucky enough to go through school without bearing the brunt of being bullied, but those who have not been so fortunate are left scarred by the torment that they have endured. Bullying has the ability to permanently change personalities. Victims are psychologically impacted, often experiencing depression, paranoia, isolation and, in extreme cases, suicide (now termed "bullycide").
If Tyler Clementi's story isn't proof enough of the profound effects, think of many of the school shootings (Columbine, Virginia Tech, Oikos University, etc.) in our recent past.
In many cases, students feel forced to drop out of college or programs because feel they are not getting the protection and support they need from faculty to fight the problem, and therefore the option of higher education is abandoned.
What do we do about it?
- Colleges need to distinguish bullying behaviors from other student conduct incidents, and set up separate sanctions for dealing with these situations. (On our campus, bullying comes under the category of "Threat of Harm" and often carries serious consequences for the perpetrator.)
- All campus constituents (faculty, staff, administration and students) should be required to take training on how to prevent bullying, how to recognize it in and outside the classroom, and how to identify the signs of depression in themselves and others.
- Embrace a zero-tolerance attitude toward bullying of any kind. When we see something (or when one is being bullied), we need to report it immediately to ensure that the behavior stops. Immediately.
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| We mean business. |
If you have been the victim of bullying on your college campus, I invite you to complete this 10-question survey, which will help us to better understand and document how prevalent college bullying really is.
www.surveymonkey.com/s/LT36PBQ
Sources:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRUFvQ_25eg&feature=endscreen&NR=1
http://www.examiner.com/article/there-is-such-a-thing-as-adult-bullying?render=print
http://www.thebatt.com/opinion/guest-column-colleges-need-to-recognize-bullying-is-more-than-a-kid-problem-1.2211015
(c)2012-2014 Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.
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