What counseling is...and what it is not

Image:  Google Images

Many years ago, when I was a relatively new counselor, a student came into my office and immediately asked, "Where's the couch?"  I laughed and replied, "In my living room!"  While this was certainly a fine way to "break the ice," so to speak, it reminded me that there are a lot of people who--through no fault of their own--have no idea what counseling is really all about.

There are so many negative stereotypes and misconceptions associated with counseling--most of which can be attributed to the media's skewed, overdramatized portrayals.  Many people believe seeking counseling means one is weak and a coward, or that they're "looney-toons." 

Some other myths include:  You lay on a couch and talk about why you hate your mother.  The counselor tells you exactly how to solve your problem.  You look at inkblots and attempt to re-enact your birth experience.  You do primal screams, or the counselor interprets what your dreams mean.

Image:  artistswhothrive.com

In a word, these misconceptions are crap. So to dispel some of these myths and inform you of what REALLY goes on behind the closed doors, allow me to explain what counseling is and what it is not:

• Counseling is basically a conversation between two people.

A caring person with special training (the counselor) talks with a student who is having a difficult life experience or needs to make an important decision.  Counseling focuses on helping that person to identify the change they would like to make in their life, identify their strengths and resources, recognize the things that may be holding them back, and collaborate on the potential ways in which the student can make change happen.

• Counseling is not a place to come to be told what to do. 

Except in cases where safety concerns are present, it is very unlikely that a counselor will tell a student how they should act in a particular situation.  Instead, counselors help identify and fully evaluate the options available in terms of the student's own values, goals and circumstances.

Image:  Google Images

• Counseling is not a place that people go to find out if they're "crazy." 

It's an opportunity in which to get support when the world seems crazy.  It might interest you to know that in the last 12 years, I've never met a crazy person (for reals)...only people who were scared, in pain, grieving or confused about what to do next.  That's not crazy...that's human.

• Counseling is not an activity where an expert "analyzes" the student or gives a diagnosis for a mental illness.

It's instead an opportunity for the counselor and student work as a team to make positive changes in the student's approach to life.

• Counseling is not a crutch for weak people. 

Rather, it is for strong people who decide that they want to feel better and live a more fulfilling life.  These are people who choose to face their challenges directly, rather than avoiding, being frightened or using escape strategies (for example, addictions) that others use to deal with difficulties.  It takes courage to hope for something better than what one's got.

Counselors cannot/will not:

• decide what to talk about
• force you to do anything you don't want to do
• use their personal values and beliefs to influence your choices
• talk about your difficulties with anyone else

Counselors can help you to:

• understand the problem
• decide what's important to you
• come up with ideas about what to do next
• put your feelings and needs into words
• find your own strengths and identify other supportive resources
• recognize beliefs, habits and attitudes that may be hurting you or holding you back
• see things from a new perspective
• make the changes you want to make

Hopefully this has helped you to better understand counseling and debunk some of the myths associated with it.  Counseling is a welcoming, non-judgmental service that can help you figure out what to do next.

QUESTION:  What are some of the misconceptions you have had about counseling?

(c) 2011 Robyn M. Posson

Why do people seek counseling?

Attending college can have a profound effect on one's life.  It is a time of personal growth and development that has the potential for producing both short and long range achievements.  It is also a period of significant adjustment, whether you are coming to college directly from high school, or as an older adult student who has been away from school for a while.  Regardless of your unique circumstances, you will probably find the college experience to be exciting and stimulating but at the same time challenging, as you are faced with many academic, personal and social responsibilities.  Sometimes finding a way to balance everything you have to do causes distress or interferes with your day-to-day living.





Image:  education.indiana.edu



There are many reasons people come to counseling:

• difficulty concentrating or completing academic tasks
• poor academic performance
• test anxiety
• family or relationship problems
• exploring a career change and/or program change
• procrastination and other self-defeating behaviors/habits
• issues of grief and loss
• difficulty with a professor or another student
• difficulty managing stress
• transferring to another college
• coping with traumatic events
• domestic violence or sexual assault
• depression or lack of motivation
• anxiety
• problems with alcohol or other substances
• issues with eating behaviors and/or body image
• problems with managing anger

In sum, people seek counseling to find ways to better manage their everyday problems.  This blog will address many of the issues that cause people distress. 


QUESTION:  Have you ever sought counseling?  If so, was it helpful?  If you needed or wanted to but didn't, what kept you from doing so?


(c) 2011 Robyn M. Posson

The Top Ten Reasons People Why Avoid Counseling

"Tell me why you hate your mother."

Jeez...If a therapist who looked like him said that to me, I'd be totally freaked out and would run screaming for the hills. 

As I explained earlier in what counseling is and what it is not, people have deeply-rooted opinions about counseling...most of them based on the opinions of others and not necessarily from personal experience.  Here's the top ten reasons why people avoid going to counseling, and my responses to their erroneous views.

1. What’s happening in my life is nobody’s business but mine.
Response: False.
Your life and your choices have dramatic effects on others. Like dropping a pebble in a pond, your behaviors and decisions have a ripple effect that impacts your family, friends, classmates, professors and coworkers. You can find comfort in knowing that counselors are bound by their professional code of ethics (not to mention state law) to preserve confidentiality...so in essence, your business will still be your business...and it won't be discussed around the watercooler.

2. If we’re at a point where we need to get counseling, the relationship is too far gone.
Response: False.
This is like saying that if you break your arm, you might as well go ahead and get both of them amputated. Recognizing that there are problems in a relationship, and wanting to work together on a solution is actually healthy, and are very good reasons to go to counseling, either separately or together.  Many relationship issues can be resolved by learning new ways to communicate, establishing healthy boundaries and working on mutually-agreed-upon goals as a couple.

3. Counseling doesn’t work.
Response: Sometimes true.
What matters more are the reasons why it doesn’t work:  most of the time when counseling doesn’t work, it is because the person resists the process, and even sabotages it.  Counseling is only as successful as the work that's put into it by both the counselor and the person in counseling.  It takes time, patience, courage and practicing new ways of behaving over a period of time before the person really begins to feel better. 

4. People are mysterious and there’s no way to really know what’s happening inside of them.
Response: True.
It is true that people are mysterious, but counselors don't have special powers to unlock the hidden secrets deep inside us.  Rather, they use proven ways of helping people make adjustments so they can live more peacefully and comfortably.

5. I’ve been to counselors before.  They’re just going to get me on medication.
Response: Most counselors are not qualified to prescribe meds. 
One needs to be a medical doctor or psychiatric nurse practitioner to do that.   However, counselors appreciate how combining counseling with medication can produce effective results and symptom relief.  The point is to use whatever will best help you to move forward, to feel better, and to make genuine progress. Whether you go on medication is ultimately your choice.

6. Counselors are quacks.
Response: Of course some are...every profession has quacks.
But every profession also has its share of highly skilled professionals. Ask your counselor about their credentials (this is a reasonable question).  Spend time assessing whether the counselor you meet with really cares about you, listens more than he/she talks, and wants to partner with you in finding solutions to what's troubling you.  If you meet with a counselor and you don't think it's a good fit, make an appointment with another one and try again.

7. I don't want to cry in front of a stranger.
Response:  This is a common worry. 
Counselors are trained to help people feel comfortable enough to talk about what's concerning them, and when those issues are painful, people cry.  We cry when we are in pain, fear we are alone, or that no one has ever had this problem to this degree.  These are all absolutely appropriate reasons to shed tears.  You should know, also, that crying is actually a very healthy way to rid your body of stress hormones and pent-up anxiety.  I assure you that there will be a box of tissues nearby for you to wipe your eyes and blow your nose.  And any counselor worth their salt won't think you're weird or a cry-baby...they'll think you're human.
 
8. It’s going to be weird.
Response: Probably.
Everything new feels weird at first. That has nothing to do with whether it’s the right idea or not.  As with any new experience, once you get comfortable with the counselor you're talking with, the weirdness dissolves.

9. I went to counseling once and it didn’t help.
Response: Once? Really? 
It takes years to develop behaviors that make us feel stuck, and can take many months to unlearn old ways of thinking and behaving, and learn newer, healthier ways to get unstuck. Humans are creatures of habit and fear and resist change every chance we get.  Learning new ways of thinking and behaving is hard work that takes time, and sometimes people get impatient and are fearful of doing something different because they don't know how it will turn out.  But if one is committed to making important changes or decisions, a counselor can be a significant source of support and encouragement. 

10. I don’t need/can’t afford counseling.
Response: Most people need counseling at some point, and probably at multiple points.
Sometimes we just can't get through a difficult circumstance because the coping strategies or problem-solving skills that used to work no longer do.  At times when we need to make a decision that will have a significant impact on our lives, it can help to have someone to sort it out.  Counseling can help you take personal responsibility for the path your life takes, help you to better understand yourself, and make healthy, appropriate choices.  As for affording it, The Wellness and Support Services office can provide you with a list of nearby agencies and counselors who take insurances as well as cash.

(c) 2011 Robyn M. Posson

College Success: Take care of what's bothering you.

Realize that if you have time to whine and complain about something, then you have time to do something about it.


Is something going on in your personal, work or college life that's bothering you or taking your focus away from your college responsibilities?

You can take immediate action by asking for help.

Make a check-in appointment with a counselor (518.381.1365) and discuss the problem openly.  The counselor is a highly-trained, non-judgmental listener, and will partner with you to find the right course of action.  You'll also receive unconditional support as you work through your issue.

(c)2011-2016 Robyn King.  All Rights Reserved.

Career Love: 11 Reasons why I do what I do.

"The greatest good you can do for another is not just share your riches, but to reveal to him his own." (Benjamin Disraeli)





When I tell people what I do for a living, most are typically intrigued.  They want to know what counseling is all about, do I have a couch in my office, wonder how on earth could I do this kind of work, and state vehemently that they couldn't ever work with "crazy people."  Well, to satisfy those kind of curiosities, here's a list of some of the reasons I do what I do.

1) I have the career I dreamed and worked towards for about for 25 years.  (It was worth the wait.)

2) I have never met a crazy person in my work.  Never.  Only people (like you and me) who don't know how to deal with the crazy circumstances life has a way of throwing at us. 


3) If I won the PowerBall lottery, I would keep this job.  Seriously.  I would.  I love it THAT much.


4) I LOVE working with college students. 

5) I am in awe of the changes people can and do make which then empowers them to complete their academic, personal and career goals.  Doesn't get better than that.

6) I hold up a mirror to show what I see in them.  Bringing to someone's attention that they already have within them the traits, skills, abilities and strength to solve whatever is challenging them is a powerful moment in that person's experience.  That kind of reminder from an impartial observer can literally change a person's life.


7) Supporting people while they pull themselves out of a difficult situation and have a better quality of life is worth more to me than any PowerBall lottery pay-out. 

8) I LOVE writing this blog, and am delighted that so many people are visiting and hopefully learning something new. 

9) I am passionate about being a lifelong learner to improve my skills, expand my experience base, and implement new modes in which to best deliver counseling services and wellness programs to everyone with whom I meet. [At this update, I'm earning my certification as a CEAP.]

10) I’m grateful that I get to do this kind of work.  I'm fully aware that jobs like mine are hard to come by.  I'm so lucky to have this job!

11) Of all of the careers I've had, I most enjoy coming to work every day as a therapist, and can't imagine doing anything else.





***May 2016 update:***  
I've decided to retire from my dream job…not because I've stopped loving it, but because I want to take it in a different direction:  I want to start a private practice and consulting business!  I'm excited, sad, petrified, and eager for this Second Dream Job to begin.


QUESTION:  Are you loving what you do for a living?  If yes, how did you get to where you are?  If not, what will it take for you to get there? 



©2013-2016. Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.

Graduation!

Midway through Spring semester is the time when I start to notice a special kind of energy on our campus.  Crocuses and tulips poke their heads up from a long, cold slumber to welcome the nicer weather.  Students socialize outside:  talking, playing guitar, kicking around a hacky-sack.  Heavy outer layers give way to lighter jackets and sweaters.  Hard-working groundspeople sweep away the vestiges of winter, plant flower beds and mow the first grass of the season.  Students buckle down and spend more time in the computer labs and with tutors.  Every member of the campus community (in one way or another) is in high-gear, preparing for the end of the academic year and graduation.

Graduate celebrating her Disney Internship experience

The notable chicken wing hat

Every May, we celebrate the successes of our students who earn their certificate or degree by having our pomp and circumstance in Proctor's Theatre, an opulent, historic venue that has a rich and varied history which dates all the way back to Vaudeville days.  Faculty don academic regalia.  Family and friends fill the balcony and happy hoots and hollers for their loved ones sound like music.  Students look regal in their black robes; some decorate their caps, while at least one Culinary Arts grad wears rubber food on his head and Fire Protection students lose the mortar board and proudly sport their protective helmets (complete with tassel) instead.  A beautifully catered reception follows, and graduation parties are eagerly anticipated.  It's a joyous occasion for everyone involved.

Firefighters mean business!

For many students, however, what accompanies this rite of passage are conflicting feelings of joy, relief, eager anticipation, fear, worry and sadness.

"I have my degree!  GO me!"  versus "I have my degree...now what?" 

"Can't wait to start my new job next week!"  versus "I don't have a job yet...what am I going to do?" 

"I can't wait to transfer in the Fall!" versus "I love SCCC...I don't want to leave!" versus "I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing in the Fall."

Graduating students who struggle with the next chapter can turn it around by being proactive.  Visits to the Opportunity Zone can assist with resume writing, interview skills and making important career connections.  An appointment with our Transfer Counselor can provide guidance with making a solid plan to continue one's education.  Talking about these conficting feelings with a Counselor can help sort out these concerns, and morph them into hope and eager anticipation of what's to come.

In other words, it's not too late.

To every one of our graduates:  Warm and heartfelt congratulations on your remarkable accomplishments, given the many responsibilities you managed to juggle.  Regardless of whether you have concrete plans for the next few months, you deserve to feel proud of the knowledge, skills, talents and abilities you've acquired and honed during the short time you were here. (Cue the applause!) 

All of us at SCCC are proud of you, too.  Damn proud. 

Best wishes for the adventure that lies ahead.


(c)2013 Robyn M. Posson.  All Rights Reserved.