The Top Ten Reasons People Why Avoid Counseling

"Tell me why you hate your mother."

Jeez...If a therapist who looked like him said that to me, I'd be totally freaked out and would run screaming for the hills. 

As I explained earlier in what counseling is and what it is not, people have deeply-rooted opinions about counseling...most of them based on the opinions of others and not necessarily from personal experience.  Here's the top ten reasons why people avoid going to counseling, and my responses to their erroneous views.

1. What’s happening in my life is nobody’s business but mine.
Response: False.
Your life and your choices have dramatic effects on others. Like dropping a pebble in a pond, your behaviors and decisions have a ripple effect that impacts your family, friends, classmates, professors and coworkers. You can find comfort in knowing that counselors are bound by their professional code of ethics (not to mention state law) to preserve confidentiality...so in essence, your business will still be your business...and it won't be discussed around the watercooler.

2. If we’re at a point where we need to get counseling, the relationship is too far gone.
Response: False.
This is like saying that if you break your arm, you might as well go ahead and get both of them amputated. Recognizing that there are problems in a relationship, and wanting to work together on a solution is actually healthy, and are very good reasons to go to counseling, either separately or together.  Many relationship issues can be resolved by learning new ways to communicate, establishing healthy boundaries and working on mutually-agreed-upon goals as a couple.

3. Counseling doesn’t work.
Response: Sometimes true.
What matters more are the reasons why it doesn’t work:  most of the time when counseling doesn’t work, it is because the person resists the process, and even sabotages it.  Counseling is only as successful as the work that's put into it by both the counselor and the person in counseling.  It takes time, patience, courage and practicing new ways of behaving over a period of time before the person really begins to feel better. 

4. People are mysterious and there’s no way to really know what’s happening inside of them.
Response: True.
It is true that people are mysterious, but counselors don't have special powers to unlock the hidden secrets deep inside us.  Rather, they use proven ways of helping people make adjustments so they can live more peacefully and comfortably.

5. I’ve been to counselors before.  They’re just going to get me on medication.
Response: Most counselors are not qualified to prescribe meds. 
One needs to be a medical doctor or psychiatric nurse practitioner to do that.   However, counselors appreciate how combining counseling with medication can produce effective results and symptom relief.  The point is to use whatever will best help you to move forward, to feel better, and to make genuine progress. Whether you go on medication is ultimately your choice.

6. Counselors are quacks.
Response: Of course some are...every profession has quacks.
But every profession also has its share of highly skilled professionals. Ask your counselor about their credentials (this is a reasonable question).  Spend time assessing whether the counselor you meet with really cares about you, listens more than he/she talks, and wants to partner with you in finding solutions to what's troubling you.  If you meet with a counselor and you don't think it's a good fit, make an appointment with another one and try again.

7. I don't want to cry in front of a stranger.
Response:  This is a common worry. 
Counselors are trained to help people feel comfortable enough to talk about what's concerning them, and when those issues are painful, people cry.  We cry when we are in pain, fear we are alone, or that no one has ever had this problem to this degree.  These are all absolutely appropriate reasons to shed tears.  You should know, also, that crying is actually a very healthy way to rid your body of stress hormones and pent-up anxiety.  I assure you that there will be a box of tissues nearby for you to wipe your eyes and blow your nose.  And any counselor worth their salt won't think you're weird or a cry-baby...they'll think you're human.
 
8. It’s going to be weird.
Response: Probably.
Everything new feels weird at first. That has nothing to do with whether it’s the right idea or not.  As with any new experience, once you get comfortable with the counselor you're talking with, the weirdness dissolves.

9. I went to counseling once and it didn’t help.
Response: Once? Really? 
It takes years to develop behaviors that make us feel stuck, and can take many months to unlearn old ways of thinking and behaving, and learn newer, healthier ways to get unstuck. Humans are creatures of habit and fear and resist change every chance we get.  Learning new ways of thinking and behaving is hard work that takes time, and sometimes people get impatient and are fearful of doing something different because they don't know how it will turn out.  But if one is committed to making important changes or decisions, a counselor can be a significant source of support and encouragement. 

10. I don’t need/can’t afford counseling.
Response: Most people need counseling at some point, and probably at multiple points.
Sometimes we just can't get through a difficult circumstance because the coping strategies or problem-solving skills that used to work no longer do.  At times when we need to make a decision that will have a significant impact on our lives, it can help to have someone to sort it out.  Counseling can help you take personal responsibility for the path your life takes, help you to better understand yourself, and make healthy, appropriate choices.  As for affording it, The Wellness and Support Services office can provide you with a list of nearby agencies and counselors who take insurances as well as cash.

(c) 2011 Robyn M. Posson