HELP! How do I know whether to agree to a second date?

First dates can be nerve-wracking.  Both people are nervous to some degree and the goal is to make a good first impression.  But how do you know whether to agree to a second date?  

Some good reasons include:

·         You had a good time

·         Your date made you laugh because you thought he/she was funny

·         Once the initial jitters went away, you felt comfortable and the conversation was pretty easy

·         Your date asked you lots of good, appropriate questions about yourself

·         At the end of your date, he/she expressed an interest in getting together again

That said, first dates can tank.  Best-laid plans fail, the weather turns lousy, one of you is late, and nerves get the best of you.  These are not necessarily deal-breakers, in my opinion.  Some things are just out of one’s control.  If your first date was a disaster or didn’t quite go as you’d hoped, consider:

·         Whether he/she made an effort to salvage the date (which demonstrates creativity, flexibility and resilience)

·         Whether your date found the humor in the situation and didn’t get upset (which demonstrates emotional maturity and tolerance for the unexpected)

·         Whether he/she expressed an interest in getting together again for a do-over

·         That you had good reasons for choosing to get to know this person better.  A crummy first date doesn’t change that.

A woman told me that a man she had met online was 45 minutes late for their first date.  To his credit, he called to let her know his dog had escaped and it took some time to capture it.  When the call ended, she was angry.  So angry, in fact, that she seriously considered abandoning their date at a nearby park and not seeing him again.  Her expectations of a “perfect” date were ruined, and she thought it was a “sign” that things couldn’t possibly go well.  

But she had really looked forward to meeting this guy in person because of their many online and phone discussions.  She decided to stick it out and make the best of it.  She grabbed a blanket from her trunk, spread it out under a shady tree, and used that time to relax and enjoy the beautiful weather while she waited.  He went above and beyond to make it up to her and they had a wonderful first date. 

If she hadn’t been willing to abandon her first-date expectations and give this guy the benefit of the doubt, she would have missed an awesome opportunity.  Long story short, they’re celebrating their fourth wedding anniversary this year.

So...when should you NOT go on a second date?  If that person exhibits or you learn that he/she possesses any of the dealbreakers on your list.  

No need to move forward.  



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(c) 2017 Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.