HELP! What can I do to prevent feeling anxious in the mornings?

      

It's normal for everyone to sometimes feel anxious in the morning.  The typical reasons for morning anxiety is feeling rushed and unprepared.  Ever sleep through your alarm or realize that you have nothing clean to wear?

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It’s important to recognize that the anxiety one feels while getting ready for the day and having an anxiety disorder are vastly different states of being.  In fact, a person being treated for an anxiety disorder can potentially feel less anxious in the morning than someone who doesn’t have the diagnosis.   Anxious symptoms worsen when the person feels rushed, unprepared, and not in a routine.  Below are some suggestions for getting organized, less hurried, and reducing your morning anxiety.
Prepare the night before:  at least two hours before bed:

• Lay out the next day’s clothing, and pack backpack or tote
• Make your lunch
• Make a to-do list

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Prepare the night before:  at least one hour before bed, begin a "wind-down" bedtime routine:

• Shower
• Get in your jammies
• Turn off all technology
• Have a warm beverage (no alcohol, though)
• Brush teeth
• Read a non-stimulating book or journal about your day/things for which you're grateful
• Set alarm to awaken in plenty of time to be unhurried in the morning
• Set bedtime at same time every evening; plenty of sleep can help ward off feeling stressed
• Make your bedroom dark and quiet to make falling asleep easier

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Morning routine:

• Get out of bed when the alarm goes off.  No hitting the snooze button!
• Make your bed
• Exercise/stretch
• Sit in a comfortable chair and meditate or pay attention to your breath for 5-10 minutes
• As you get dressed, keep a positive mindset about the day ahead
• Sit at your table and eat something for breakfast
• Look over the to-do list and prioritize your tasks
• Grab your lunch and backpack/tote and get out the door, leaving with plenty of extra time in case of a traffic jam, etc.
• Enjoy your anxiety-reduced day!

(c) 2017 Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.

Life Skills Hack: Gandhi's Guide for Changing the World

 1. Change yourself.

When you change how you think, then you will change how you feel and will in turn affect the actions you take. So the world around you will change as well, not only because you are now viewing your environment through new lenses of thoughts and emotions, but because the change within can allow you to take action in ways you wouldn’t have – or maybe even have thought about – while stuck in your old thought patterns. 

2. You are in control.

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You can choose your own thoughts, reactions and emotions to pretty much everything. You don’t have to freak out, overreact or even react in a negative way.  As you come to realize that no one outside of yourself actually controls how you feel, you can begin to incorporate this thinking into your daily life and develop it as a thought habit. This new habit can grow stronger and stronger over time.  A huge benefit is this will make your life a whole lot easier and much more pleasurable.

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3. Forgive and let it go. 
Forgiveness does not equal condoning.  Forgiveness benefits you, and not the person whom you are forgiving.  Forgiveness allows you to release old hurts and disappointments so that you can move forward with a new, more positive way of viewing your life.  When you forgive, you have taken control over your feelings and choose to release yourself from the bonds of what has been holding you back.

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4. Take action to live the life you want.

Resistance to taking action comes from you imagining negative future consequences, or reflecting on past failures. To truly accept your worth and purpose in your life, Gandhi stated that you must practice this belief in your thoughts, feelings and actions daily. When you are grateful for the life you live, you must practice that gratitude faithfully.  You must practice the skill of being the best version of you. The result for "walking the walk" is a fuller understanding of your place in the world and what you can do to make a positive impact.

5. Take care of this moment.

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The only thing we can be absolutely certain of is what's happening in this moment.  And this moment.  And this one.  Gandhi encourages staying in the present as much as possible and to be accepting. The past is gone, and the future is an uncontrollable entity.  What you're doing right now is all that matters. Enjoy where you are.  Appreciate and accept what is.

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6. Everyone is human.

When we idolize others, such as celebrities, political leaders and sports figures, we run the risk of becoming setting them apart from our experiences and abilities. You think you could never achieve that status because they're special and different from you. The truth is, everyone puts their pants on one leg at a time.  We are all human, fallible and capable of making mistakes.  Speaking of mistakes, we must stop beating ourselves up over mistakes we've made and instead see with clarity where we went wrong, what we can learn from those mistakes, and try, try again. And again.

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7. Persist.

One of the reasons people don’t get what they want is simply because they give up too soon. The time they think an achievement will require isn’t realistic or they just don't understand what it takes to see something through. 

Never give up.  Find what you really like to do, and you’ll find the inner motivation to keep going, going and going. Gandhi was so successful with his method of non-violence was because he and his followers were so persistent. They just didn’t give up.

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8. See the good in people and help them.

We can choose to focus on what's good in people, while maintaining awareness of their ability to make poor choices. When you see the good in people it becomes easier to be motivated to be of service to them. By being of service and recognizing their value, the rewards are multiple:  a) you feel good knowing you've eased another person's burden; b) the person you helped feels more connected to the community; and c) the people you help may feel more inclined to pay it forward. And so you, together, create an upward spiral of positive change that grows and becomes stronger.

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9. Be congruent, be authentic, be your true self.

When your thoughts, words and actions are aligned, you feel powerful and good about yourself.  When words and thoughts match, that shows through in your communication.  With these channels in alignment people tend to really listen to what you’re saying. You are communicating with sincerity, self-respect and a desire to truly connect with others.

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10. Continue to grow and evolve.

Humans are works in progress.  The world provides us with experiences that challenge our beliefs and values. Ask yourself whether what you believed as a child is still your stance today.  Is your best friend the same one you had when you were in middle school?  People change, and so do their preferences and beliefs.  This is GOOD.  We're supposed to evolve and become the best version of ourselves.  If you need convincing, see Rule #1 above.

  

Source:  The Positivity Blog

Images courtesy of Google Images, unless otherwise noted.
(c) 2011-2016 Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.

Life Skills Hack: How to best help a friend in pain

 

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When a friend or loved one is upset and hurting, it's likely that your immediate reaction is to offer comfort. You may want to help through your actions or your words, but most people worry: What if I do or say the wrong thing?

No matter what situation is causing your friend to hurt, life coach Iyanla Vanzant believes that there is one universal approach you can take to help ease their pain.  Just being with your friend is therapeutic and helpful.

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"Your presence is enough," Iyanla says.  You don't have to say anything or wrack your brain to find a solution.  Sitting quietly next to or near your friend can help more than you realize."

Iyanla has seen the power of this principle work firsthand in her experience as a spiritual advisor and the host of "Iyanla: Fix My Life."  That, she adds, is when an additional move towards healing can take place.

"In the stillness and the silence of your presence, pray," Iyanla suggests.

This prayer doesn't have to a religious or even spiritual in nature; rather, it's about putting forth good vibes and positive energy, and recognizing that your friend is strong and resilient.

If you're concerned that allowing yourself to be fully present might invite negativity into your own space, don't be, Iyanla says. The exact opposite happens.

"Just because your friend is hurting doesn't mean you have to get down in the pain with them. In fact, in your presence, you can pull the energy up and pull them out of the pain," Iyanla explains. "Just remember: Your presence is enough."


Source:  Huffington Post
(c) 2011-2016 Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.

Life Skills Hack: The Power of Saying "No."

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According to Inc.com, Tom Hanks’ success was dependent on a single word: 

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Surprised?  Bet you thought that the path to success requires jumping at every single opportunity, no matter how small or silly it may seem.

This is how Hanks explains it:

I realized…that I had to start saying a very, very difficult word to people, which was ‘no.’

The odd lesson for that is, I figured out that’s how you end up making the favorable work you do…Saying yes, then you just work. But saying no means you made the choice of the type of story you wanted to tell and the type of character you want to play.

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Psychology Today adds that although saying “yes” supports risk-taking, courage, and an openhearted approach to life, saying “no” reflects a surge of strength. Although it is often associated with negativity, saying “no” can be a positive point for many individuals. It allows us to set limits and assert ourselves against others.

How can you tell when you should say no?

1. If saying no keeps you true to your principles and values, you must say no.
2. Saying no can protect you from being exploited by others. Some people will take and take and take, so long as you let them. For those who feel entitled to ask so much of you, don’t be afraid to tell them no.
3. Say no when it helps you focus on your own goals. For example, if you are regularly volunteering to assist others at work with their projects, to the point where your own projects are suffering, you must learn to say “no” once in a while to ensure you are meeting your own professional goals.

   

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4. Protect yourself from abuse by others by saying “no.” In your personal life, there may be people who treat you poorly, yet you still spend time with them or you do not know how to address the issue. Setting boundaries and saying “no” may make the other person upset temporarily, but in the long run, your relationship will benefit.
5. When you need a change in life, saying “no” can be a relief. Perhaps you’re making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year, but you have to travel nonstop and you’re missing all of your children’s milestones—their first steps, first visit from the Tooth Fairy, and the first day of school. Saying no helps you turn things around if you are traveling down the wrong road.

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Every day, whether we are employees at the bottom of the totem pole or the owners of a multimillion-dollar business, we are faced with choices. Do you take the meeting? Do you risk a new venture? Which task should take priority? To decide, think about what you want to accomplish—not just in the short term, but over the next several months and years as well. Allow that thinking to guide the decisions you choose.



(c) 2012-2016 Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.

Life Skills Hack: What...ME worry???

I was at a wedding this weekend, and made small talk with a very nervous groom-to-be.  I asked him about the cause of his jitters, and he replied, "I hope the weather stays nice, and that it doesn't rain."

Five minutes from being married, and he was worried about the weather.

I asked, "How many times in your life did worrying about the weather affect it?"  "None," he said, with a sheepish look on his face.  "Exactly," I replied, and wished him lots of fun on his wedding day and honeymoon. 

Worry is, in a word, stupid. 

Yes, I said stupid.  Pointless.  Useless.  A huge waste of time.
   
When we worry, the stress hormone, cortisol (the same one that's helps us in a fight-or-flight situation) is released into the bloodstream, and as we continue to dwell on and obsess, the levels of cortisol stay the same or are reduced only slightly, which can do a number on your body.  All too often, I see the ravages of chronic worry where people make themselves physically and emotionally ill.  Sometimes, when I find myself in a worry spiral, I can't think of anything but the focus of my concern, I get a huge headache and my sleep gets jacked up.

[Even counselors are stupid sometimes.]

We're not born knowing how to worry; we learn from watching other people.  It comes from our unrealistic need to control everything:  our relationships, money, career paths, where we live, how we live, and so on. 

Here's the kicker, though: 

We have no power over the outcome of anything with which we concern ourselves.

Say it with  me:  "Worrying doesn't change a damn thing."

Worry saps you of your precious energy, consumes your mind so it's prevented from focusing on what you can control, and it never, ever affects how things will turn out. 

Admittedly, worry is a tough habit to break.  I recommend focusing on the things we have power over, such as the food we eat, whether we exercise, or how much money to spend on a new pair of shoes.

So if you're a worrier, get outta that stupid rocking chair.  Spend time figuring out what you really have control over, and focus on THAT.

All images courtesy of Google Images, unless otherwise noted.
(c) 2011-2016 Robyn King.  All Rights Reserved.