What counseling is...and what it is not

Image:  Google Images

Many years ago, when I was a relatively new counselor, a student came into my office and immediately asked, "Where's the couch?"  I laughed and replied, "In my living room!"  While this was certainly a fine way to "break the ice," so to speak, it reminded me that there are a lot of people who--through no fault of their own--have no idea what counseling is really all about.

There are so many negative stereotypes and misconceptions associated with counseling--most of which can be attributed to the media's skewed, overdramatized portrayals.  Many people believe seeking counseling means one is weak and a coward, or that they're "looney-toons." 

Some other myths include:  You lay on a couch and talk about why you hate your mother.  The counselor tells you exactly how to solve your problem.  You look at inkblots and attempt to re-enact your birth experience.  You do primal screams, or the counselor interprets what your dreams mean.

Image:  artistswhothrive.com

In a word, these misconceptions are crap. So to dispel some of these myths and inform you of what REALLY goes on behind the closed doors, allow me to explain what counseling is and what it is not:

• Counseling is basically a conversation between two people.

A caring person with special training (the counselor) talks with a student who is having a difficult life experience or needs to make an important decision.  Counseling focuses on helping that person to identify the change they would like to make in their life, identify their strengths and resources, recognize the things that may be holding them back, and collaborate on the potential ways in which the student can make change happen.

• Counseling is not a place to come to be told what to do. 

Except in cases where safety concerns are present, it is very unlikely that a counselor will tell a student how they should act in a particular situation.  Instead, counselors help identify and fully evaluate the options available in terms of the student's own values, goals and circumstances.

Image:  Google Images

• Counseling is not a place that people go to find out if they're "crazy." 

It's an opportunity in which to get support when the world seems crazy.  It might interest you to know that in the last 12 years, I've never met a crazy person (for reals)...only people who were scared, in pain, grieving or confused about what to do next.  That's not crazy...that's human.

• Counseling is not an activity where an expert "analyzes" the student or gives a diagnosis for a mental illness.

It's instead an opportunity for the counselor and student work as a team to make positive changes in the student's approach to life.

• Counseling is not a crutch for weak people. 

Rather, it is for strong people who decide that they want to feel better and live a more fulfilling life.  These are people who choose to face their challenges directly, rather than avoiding, being frightened or using escape strategies (for example, addictions) that others use to deal with difficulties.  It takes courage to hope for something better than what one's got.

Counselors cannot/will not:

• decide what to talk about
• force you to do anything you don't want to do
• use their personal values and beliefs to influence your choices
• talk about your difficulties with anyone else

Counselors can help you to:

• understand the problem
• decide what's important to you
• come up with ideas about what to do next
• put your feelings and needs into words
• find your own strengths and identify other supportive resources
• recognize beliefs, habits and attitudes that may be hurting you or holding you back
• see things from a new perspective
• make the changes you want to make

Hopefully this has helped you to better understand counseling and debunk some of the myths associated with it.  Counseling is a welcoming, non-judgmental service that can help you figure out what to do next.

QUESTION:  What are some of the misconceptions you have had about counseling?

(c) 2011 Robyn M. Posson