Soft Skills Hack: Personal Space Etiquette

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Have you ever stood next to someone who doesn’t understand the concept of personal space? There you are, minding your own business and next thing you know you feel someone’s breath on the back of your neck, or they're standing so close you can tell what they ate for lunch.  Don't you wish you could just say, "Hey, buddy, you need to back the [bleep] up"?

Your personal space is like an invisible bubble that surrounds you.  If people move inside this bubble when they are walking nearby, sitting next to or talking to you, it probably makes you feel uncomfortable.  And when you invade others' bubbles in similar ways, you can be certain you're creeping them out, too.  These are direct violations of personal boundaries.  Knowing the appropriate space limits in dealing with others is an important soft skill to learn, both on campus, at work and in your personal life.

We'll look at the different bubble sizes, whether it always stays the same size, and tips to protect your personal space and how to respect others' as well.
 
Anthropologist and proxemics expert Edward T. Hall has broken down the distances of personal territory ("bubbles") for U.S. Americans into four areas:

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Important factors to consider:

• The bubble is larger if you are talking to a stranger.
• The better you know the person you're talking to, the smaller the bubble may be.
• The bubble is usually larger for two men than for two women.
• The bubble may be very small for a man and a woman if they are in a relationship.
• The bubble may be larger than normal for a man and a woman who are strangers to each other.
• The bubble size may differ for different cultures.

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When two people are having an argument, often the first thing one of them will do is move in close, invading the other person's personal space. This is interpreted by that other person as aggression. The term for this, literally, is “getting in someone’s face.” There are many things that can affect how big a person's personal space is at any given time. 

Circumstances
As well as the individual factors mentioned above, the circumstances in which you find yourself may also affect the size of your bubble. You might find yourself much closer to a stranger you are talking to at a club, for instance, or standing in line at the bank.  You might also have a very large bubble if you are not used to talking to strangers, but have a much smaller bubble if you are an extrovert.

Cultural Differences
Different cultures maintain different standards of personal space. For example, the personal space for people in Japan might be much larger than for people in Italy.   Latin American and Mediterranean cultures like to stand at 1.5 feet ("personal bubble") for a personal conversation. An explanation for this is that cultures from colder climates have larger personal space bubbles while cultures with warmer climates prefer to be much closer. This explains why North Americans and Northern Europeans like their personal space. South Americans and Southern Europeans will enter your comfort zone.  

Image:  tvtropes.org

Any time someone else violates or comes into one's personal space without permission, it is an intrusion and a lack of respect.  Period.

What to do if someone invades your personal space
When someone gets uncomfortably close to you, there are several things you can do:

• Do nothing.
• Lean away from the person or take a step back, hoping he or she will take the hint.
• Be honest and say you're uncomfortable being so close.
• Explain why you need more space. For example, if you're left-handed, and the person is too close to your left side, comment about how you need the space to take notes.

How to have respect for others' personal space

• Don't touch anyone unless they invite you to. 
• Don't allow anyone to touch you without permission.
• Don’t stand closer than 4 feet to a person unless you have an intimate relationship.
• If you see the person you're talking with back up, it means you're standing too close.
• When speaking with someone, don't shout over people or lean over someone else.  Move closer.
• Never touch anyone else's children or belongings unless invited to do so.
• It's better to wait for someone to walk through a narrow space rather than squeezing through and brushing someone's body whether they are of the same gender or not.
• Give yourself some extra space when sitting next to someone.
• Whether at work or home, going through someone's desk/room/office is a serious case of invading personal privacy.
• The same thing goes for opening their mail, going through a purse or wallet, reading emails, checking out phone texts/voice mails.

Being aware of and respecting another person's personal space simply means that you allow them to control their bubble.  Be aware that you will keep a comfortable distance between yourself and someone else, and remember to never break through that boundary unless you have that person's permission or have been clearly invited to get closer. 

(c) Robyn King 2011-16. All Rights Reserved.