Relationships: Put Down Your Dukes: 10 Rules for Having a Fair Argument

Okay, okay...break it up.

Unlike a boxing match, the goal of any disagreement should be to resolve the conflict rather than to win or "come out on top." Resolution comes more quickly and easily when each person feels like they've been heard, understood, and a mutually respectful solution is agreed upon by both parties and then implemented.

Da rulz.

So take off the gloves and follow these ten tips to improve the way you resolve differences with your partner or other person (referred to here on as OP).

1. Express your resentments and concerns as soon as you are aware of them.  Do not attack the OP's character.
2. Argue only one point at a time.
3. No name calling, finger-pointing, raised voices or acting out in a threatening or violent way.

   

   Hold hands

4. If arguing with your partner, hold hands and look at each other.  With OP, face and look at him/her.  (It will convey that you're paying attention.)
5. Let the other person speak without interruption. 
6. Never ridicule or make light of the other person's feelings. Instead, respond as much as possible with "I feel..." or "I want..." statements of your own. 
7. Reflect back what the other person says to you:  "If I heard you right, you said that you're angry because..."  If you misunderstood, ask for clarification, and reflect again until you get it right.

   

   Couldn't explain it better.
8. Validate that person's feelings:  "I can understand why you are angry about that."
9. Offer a mutually agreed-upon solution:  "Could we try to do ______ differently by ______?" Discuss options and find one that works for both of you.  Promise to follow-through.  Then do it.
10. Admit when you are wrong and offer a sincere apology (operative word being sincere):  "I'm sorry that this happened.  I'll do better in the future, etc." 
11. BONUS:  Kiss and make up (unless it's your boss or OP, then shaking hands will do).

    

    Love birds.

(c)2013-16 Robyn King.  All Rights Reserved.