Soft Skill Hack: What's the Magic Word?

One of my favorite pasttimes is people-watching.  I like sitting in the Commons or at the mall and just watch how people behave when they are alone and how they interact and treat others.  I find behavior fascinating, and I learn something new about human nature every day.  Most of the time my faith in the kindness in people is strengthened; other times, not so much.

In a previous blog entry, I talked about how important soft skills are to the success of your job search and career as a whole.  Under the category of "Good Communication" is basic manners.  You know, saying please and thank you, holding a door open for someone coming in behind you, speaking in calm and quiet voice, refraining from texting or taking a phone call when someone is speaking, offering to help someone who dropped their books or is carrying a heavy load.  (Basic stuff.)

It takes no more effort to use manners when dealing with other people than it does to be impolite, and the outcome of those kinds of interaction are always positive.  Yet I've witnessed countless students walk by someone who's having trouble opening a door, letting a door slam in someone's face, barking orders to other students, and screaming at or threatening a college employee when something doesn't go in the student's favor.  It's sad.  Very sad.  And it makes me furious.  (Crazy stuff.)


However, when I see acts of kindness and good manners being used, I have hope.  The majority of our college community uses good manners in their everyday dealings with others.  Campus life is much improved when we treat (and are treated by) everyone we encounter with kindness and respect.  An added bonus is these skills will come in very handy when snagging a dream job, keeping it, and moving up the ladder of success. (Good stuff.) 

Doesn't it feel good when someone shows you respect and you don't feel personally attacked or embarrassed?  It does for me, and I'd wager you'd agree.  So, if it feels good to you, imagine how great you could make someone else feel today by offering kindness and respect.  In a nutshell, if we all followed the "do unto others" philosophy, our world would be in a much better place.  (Great stuff.)

...for visiting my blog.  It's greatly appreciated.









Question:  Have you witnessed interactions where good manners were used?  Any examples of people who treat others with disrespect?   


All images courtesy of Google Images, unless otherwise noted.
(c)2012 Robyn M. Posson

ABC's of Healthy Relationships: B

Balance

Many couples have an erroneous belief that doing everything together equals a healthy relationship.  They spend every waking moment together. They do everything together.  They're inseparable and become glued at the hip.  And then the inevitable happens....They slowly begin to let go of their friends, abandon their dreams, and eventually lose their identities....and resentment of each other sets in.  The strength and vitality of the relationship is in serious jeopardy.

So, how do you prevent this from happening?  This translates to practicing "togetherness", as well as its counterpart "separateness," simultaneously in the relationship.  In other words, both partners share a life together of common goals, values, hobbies, activities, and so forth, as they continue to pursue individual interests in order to meet their own personal needs.  Think of it this way:  you and your partner may travel on different paths when pursuing individual interests, but there are also many points at which these paths intersect, which is equally as important to the health of the partnership.

Being romantically involved with someone should not keep you from following your dreams. Otherwise, your emotional and mental growth gets stunted.  Personal growth is an essential part of life.  It's natural to aspire to continually grow, learn, change, and improve upon your current situation.  It allows you to reach your true potential as an individual and gives you personal satisfaction.  Once you achieve a state of self-realization and gratification, you are in a better position to contribute significantly to the partnership.  The essence of transforming you into a better partner leads to a healthy relationship.

Image:  calvary-church.org

Beliefs (and Values)

Within each of us, there are basic fundamental core beliefs and values that act as a guide for the choices that we make.  It is important that we understand our own beliefs and values as well as those of our partner.  Major differences in core beliefs and values may cause significant friction in a relationship.  For instance, say you have a strong work ethic (go to work every day, get there on time, do the job to the best of your ability, etc.) and your partner doesn't care about such things.  He/she may even bounce from job to job, and go without one for quite a long time.  Is this someone who would make a compatible partner for you?  Would the difference in this one important core value make any significant impact on the relationship's success?   Differences should be discussed thoroughly between the two people, and decide together whether the relationship is really worth pursuing.



Image:  legally-alien.blogspot.com

Belonging

Belonging is not just about being in a relationship and feeling that you belong to your mate.  It is a basic human need.  You seek out belonging, feeling loved and being a part of something. You turn to school groups, to internet groups, to common interest groups, religious or spiritual groups.  It satisfies a core need within you; it fulfills your desire to know who you are, and how you fit in the larger world.

So, when you feel connected to the greater world, then you're in a good position to want to belong with a love partner.  Notice I said belong "with" and not belong "to."  You are each separate individuals, and yet you both have the desire to belong, to be loved and a part of something together.



Image:  chelseabeasley.wordpress.com



Best Behavior

Think back to the first few weeks of getting to know your partner.  You watched your manners, shaved and put on cologne when you knew you’d see her, listened intently to his stories about his job and family, and so on.  You put your best-foot-forward, so to speak, to make a good impression on your intended.  If you’ve been together for a while, the tendency is to get comfortable with your partner…which can mean being sloppy with grooming, attitudes and behaviors.  Your partner deserves your best behavior 95% of the time (no one’s perfect, after all), and by doing so you honor their decision to be with (and stay with) you.

Image:  landofmeg.blogspot.com

Billet-Doux

French for “love letter,” it’s good practice in healthy relationships to remind your partner how you feel about them on a regular basis…and not necessarily on an anniversary or other holiday.  It doesn’t have to be long or sound like a Shakepearean sonnet; you could buy (or make) a card and personalize it with a note from your heart.  It can be a love note written on the bathroom mirror. You get extra brownie-points if you leave it in a place where your sweetie will find it unexpectedly and when you’re not around (briefcase, send it to his/her office).

Image: etc.usf.edu

Boundaries

Like the old saying, "good fences make good neighbors," each person has a right to his/her own emotional and physical boundaries.  Only you: 1) decide what limits you have; 2) set your own boundaries; 3) have a right to have your limits respected; and 4) have a responsibility to respect your partner’s limits.  Your partner has the same rights over his/her boundaries, too.  These limitations need to be communicated clearly, honestly, and consistently over time.  “I don’t like it when you…”  “I feel disrespected, unloved, unappreciated, uncared for when..."



(c) 2012 Robyn M. Posson