HELP! I think there's something wrong with my partner...

People are more intuitive than they give themselves credit for.  We “know” when something is amiss; we get a feeling in the pit of our stomachs that alerts us to danger or when something is just not right.

 

I tell people to trust what they feel and take action. 

Open, honest communication is essential to all human relationships.  Taking a direct (but compassionate) approach to sharing concerns with one’s partner is best.  A good way to start the conversation is by using “I-statements.”  For example: 

“I’m concerned.  I’ve been noticing that you’ve been distant lately and seem unhappy.  I’m wondering whether our relationship is the reason.”

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“I’m worried about you.  I’ve noticed that you seem depressed.”

Note that these are statements and not questions, which tend to put others on the defense.  Share your observations without probing, and give your partner an opportunity to respond.  

If your partner rebuffs what you’ve said, give concrete examples of what you’ve witnessed, and share how you came to your conclusion.  Offer the opportunity to discuss what’s going on, even if you have to put it off for an hour or even the next day.  Give them a little time and space to respond, to gather their thoughts; maybe there’s something going on that they want to discuss but are afraid or ashamed to.  

A caveat to this, obviously, is if your partner has mentioned thoughts of suicide, homicide or performing other forms of violence, get him/her to the nearest emergency room for a complete mental health evaluation.  If they refuse to go, call 911 and ask the police for assistance.  Your partner may get angry, but taking this action could save their life and connect them with the support they need.

(c) Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.