Relationships: The Breakup Recovery Plan (Step 1)

[Note:  Although this entry was written for a woman in a heterosexual relationship, these same principles will help anyone whose relationship has ended.]



Image:  fanpop.com

Whether you were together for two weeks, six months, or four years, breakups hurt.  A LOT.  What’s worse, they can be really hard to get past.   A breakover is a set plan that moves you from the initial pain of a breakup to re-creating your life into what you want, better than what you had, with your confidence lifted and personal integrity intact.  With the help of Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt (authors of It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken), here is Step 1 of The Breakover Plan:

1. No contact for 60 days.  No calls.  No texts.  No checking out his Facebook page.  No drive-bys.  No dropping in unannounced.  No stalking.  No going to his workplace.  No contact.  Zero.  Zip.  Zilch. Nada.  This is perhaps the most important--and difficult--task to tackle, but having no contact with your ex gives you the emotional distance necessary for complete recovery from a breakup.  The no-contact rule also goes for his family and friends.  Do not text, call or visit his mother, or hang out with his friends to find out how he's doing.  BIG no-no.  Remember this:  space and time are healthy and absolutely necessary right now.

Source:  Google Images



I know, I know...that's definitely not what you wanted to hear.  But it has to be done for your own well-being. So how do you do it?  Erase him from your immediate world.  Block his number and delete text messages from your cell phone.  Unfriend him on Facebook (change your status back to Single while you're at it).  Junk his emails.  Stay away from the places you know he hangs out.  Sixty days sounds like an eternity when your heart and dreams for the future have just been stomped on, but it can be done (I'm living proof of it myself).  On your calendar or planner, mark Day 1, Day 30 and Day 60.  Put a big red “X” on each day you get through.  Watch and be proud of your progress.  Some days will be better than others.  It will certainly get easier as time passes.  On Day 30, if you’ve had no contact, reward yourself with something like a mani/pedi or a movie.  On Day 60 (woo-hoo...you did it!), make the reward bigger.  However, if you backslide (explained later), you must start all over at Day 1.


Next step:  2: Get Yourself a Breakup Buddy

[Source:  Behrendt, Greg & Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt.  It's called a breakup because it's broken.  New York:  Broadway Books, 2005.  Print.] 

(c) 2011-2016 Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.

Relationships: The Breakup Recovery Plan (Step 2)

[Note:  Although this entry was written for a woman in a heterosexual relationship, these same principles will help anyone whose relationship has ended.]



Image:  fanpop.com

Whether you were together for two weeks, six months, or four years, breakups hurt.  A LOT.  What’s worse, they can be really hard to get past.   A breakover is a set plan that moves you from the initial pain of a breakup to re-creating your life into what you want, better than what you had, with your confidence lifted and personal integrity intact.  With the help of Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt (authors of It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken), here is The Breakover Plan:

1. No contact for 60 days.

My Breakup Buddy and Me

2. Get yourself a Breakup Buddy.  This is someone who you trust completely, and to whom you can be accountable when you’re having a moment of weakness during the 60-day detox, when you feel sad or lonely, or find yourself plotting some kind of revenge against your ex.  This person will serve as your coach, reality-check, shoulder to cry on, cheerleader, give-you-a-kick-in-the-ass-when-you-need-it friend, someone who will drag you out of the house to get the stink blown off of you, and who will celebrate all of your little victories along the path of recovery.  Choose this person carefully and ask whether he/she is willing to follow through with this level of responsibility every day for the next 60.

Next step:  3.  Gather Your Dream Team


[Source:  Behrendt, Greg & Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt.  It's called a breakup because it's broken.  New York:  Broadway Books, 2005.  Print.] 

(c) 2011-2016 Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.

Relationships: The Breakup Recovery Plan (Step 3)

[Note:  Although this entry was written for a woman in a heterosexual relationship, these same principles will help anyone whose relationship has ended.]



Image:  fanpop.com

Whether you were together for two weeks, six months, or four years, breakups hurt.  A LOT.  What’s worse, they can be really hard to get past.   A breakover is a set plan that moves you from the initial pain of a breakup to re-creating your life into what you want, better than what you had, with your confidence lifted and personal integrity intact.  With the help of Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt (authors of It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken), here is Step 3 of The Breakover Plan:

1. No contact for 60 days.

2. Get yourself a Breakup Buddy.

Source:  Google Images

3. Gather your Dream Team.  Isolating yourself from the world ("I don't need anyone...I can do this myself") isn't helpful nor healthy.  Now is when you need to have people in your corner.  In addition to your Breakup Buddy, surround yourself with friends and family who love and like you, but don’t torture them by constantly analyzing the breakup or mentioning his name a million times.  Enlist their help when redecorating and de-cluttering your living space and by accompanying you to the list of fun activities you’ve been wanting to do.

Next step:  4.  Allow yourself to grieve.



[Source:  Behrendt, Greg & Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt.  It's called a breakup because it's broken.  New York:  Broadway Books, 2005.  Print.] 

(c) 2011-2016 Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.

Relationships: The Breakup Recovery Plan (Step 4)

[Note:  Although this entry was written for a woman in a heterosexual relationship, these same principles will help anyone whose relationship has ended.]



Image:  fanpop.com

Whether you were together for two weeks, six months, or four years, breakups hurt.  A LOT.  What’s worse, they can be really hard to get past.   A breakover is a set plan that moves you from the initial pain of a breakup to re-creating your life into what you want, better than what you had, with your confidence lifted and personal integrity intact.  With the help of Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt (authors of It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken), here is The Breakover Plan:

1. No contact for 60 days.

2. Get yourself a Breakup Buddy. 

3. Gather your Dream Team.



Source:  Google Images

4. Allow yourself to grieve.  A loss is difficult, no matter how you slice it.  You feel sad, angry, fearful, frustrated, annoyed, sad, sad, and sad.  There’s a saying that in order to get over pain you have to go right through it.  Let your feelings bubble up to the surface and recognize that tears, anger and the rest of those icky feelings are necessary to the healing process.  If you don’t give yourself permission now and just push your feelings aside, sometime in the future they will come back to bite you in the backside.  Guaranteed.  Better to feel crummy now and get past it, than to prolong the inevitable and put moving forward with your life on hold.


Next step:  5.  Get rid of his stuff.





[Source:  Behrendt, Greg & Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt.  It's called a breakup because it's broken.  New York:  Broadway Books, 2005.  Print.] 

(c) 2011-2016 Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.

Relationships: The Breakup Recovery Plan (Step 5)

[Note:  Although this entry was written for a woman in a heterosexual relationship, these same principles will help anyone whose relationship has ended.]



Image:  fanpop.com

Whether you were together for two weeks, six months, or four years, breakups hurt.  A LOT.  What’s worse, they can be really hard to get past.   A breakover is a set plan that moves you from the initial pain of a breakup to re-creating your life into what you want, better than what you had, with your confidence lifted and personal integrity intact.  With the help of Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt (authors of It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken), here is The Breakover Plan:

1. No contact for 60 days.

2. Get yourself a Breakup Buddy. 
3. Gather your Dream Team.

4. Allow yourself to grieve.  

Source:  Google Images

5. Get rid of his stuff.   Gather some boxes.  In one box, put all of his clothing and anything of value (iPod, CD's, X-Box, stereo) and give it to your Breakup Buddy to return to him—and, no, you can’t go with her...you’re on a 60-day detox, remember?  In another box, put all of his personal items (toothbrush, underwear and anything else that is of little value and can be tossed) and put it out with this week's trash.  In the third box, place all of the mementos of your relationship (cards, love letters, photos of the two of you, ticket stubs, stuffed animals, anything that makes you think of him), and give to your Breakup Buddy to keep at her house, with the understanding that she will not throw the box out nor will she give you access to it during the 60 days.  Having those things around will do nothing but stall your progress and keep you sad and feeling hurt.  Eventually, as time passes and you work through the pain and begin to feel better, you can decide whether to have your Breakup Buddy toss the box into the trash, or have her help you throw it out yourself.  Out with the old...


Next step:  6.  In with the new: Reclaim your living space!

[Source:  Behrendt, Greg & Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt.  It's called a breakup because it's broken.  New York:  Broadway Books, 2005.  Print.] 

(c) 2011-2016 Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.

Relationships: The Breakup Recovery Plan (Step 6)

[Note:  Although this entry was written for a woman in a heterosexual relationship, these same principles will help anyone whose relationship has ended.]



Image:  fanpop.com

Whether you were together for two weeks, six months, or four years, breakups hurt.  A LOT.  What’s worse, they can be really hard to get past.   A breakover is a set plan that moves you from the initial pain of a breakup to re-creating your life into what you want, better than what you had, with your confidence lifted and personal integrity intact.  With the help of Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt (authors of It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken), here is The Breakover Plan:

1. No contact for 60 days. 

2. Get yourself a Breakup Buddy. 
3. Gather your Dream Team. 

4. Allow yourself to grieve.

5. Get rid of his stuff.

Source:  Google Images


6. In with the new:  Reclaim your living space.  It's time to reinvent the place where you live.  Clear it out of old, painful reminders of a life you will no longer have.  Instead, create a new perspective, and make room for great new things to come.  Make your space feel fresh and renewed.  Rearrange the furniture.  Hang up some new posters.  Buy a new set of sheets or candles in your favorite scent.  Paint one wall with your favorite color.  Having your home look different will move you toward thinking and feeling hopeful about the new chapter ahead of you.


Next step:  7.  Meet with a counselor



[Source:  Behrendt, Greg & Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt.  It's called a breakup because it's broken.  New York:  Broadway Books, 2005.  Print.] 

(c) 2011-2016 Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.

Relationships: The Breakup Recovery Plan (Step 7)

[Note:  Although this entry was written for a woman in a heterosexual relationship, these same principles will help anyone whose relationship has ended.]



Image:  fanpop.com

Whether you were together for two weeks, six months, or four years, breakups hurt.  A LOT.  What’s worse, they can be really hard to get past.   A breakover is a set plan that moves you from the initial pain of a breakup to re-creating your life into what you want, better than what you had, with your confidence lifted and personal integrity intact.  With the help of Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt (authors of It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken), here is The Breakover Plan:

1. No contact for 60 days. 

2. Get yourself a Breakup Buddy. 
3. Gather your Dream Team. 

4. Allow yourself to grieve.  

5. Get rid of his stuff. 

6. In with the new:  Reclaim your living space.

Source:  Google Images



7. Meet with a counselor.  You would benefit greatly from sharing your feelings with someone who doesn't know you or your ex.  Seeking out this kind of help is so incredibly healthy...and it does NOT mean you are crazy or mentally ill.  Professionals are trained specifically on how to help people find new coping strategies to get through these kinds of life transitions. Counseling can also help you to regain your self-esteem to prepare you for the next relationship.


Next step:  8. Do a self-inventory




[Source:  Behrendt, Greg & Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt.  It's called a breakup because it's broken.  New York:  Broadway Books, 2005.  Print.] 

(c) 2011-2016 Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.

College Success: Tips on Choosing Your College Major

Did you know that up to 85% of college students changes majors at least once?  According to the National Center for Education Statistics, on average, college students change their major at least three times over the course of their college career.

Choosing a major is one of the biggest decisions you'll make during your time at college. Trying to figure out what you want to do can be a huge task. It might help to know that many graduates go to work in careers that have nothing to do with their college major. Still, the thought of choosing a major can be a stressful one and creates second thoughts on whether you're selecting the right one.

Graphic Source

Other Tips

• If you don't want to continue on for a master's, make sure you pick a degree where a master's isn't needed to be competitive in the workforce.
• Don’t be afraid to change majors. There’s nothing worse than being stuck in a field you hate. Change majors if your interests are no longer what they used to be. (Just don’t wait too long to make this change as it could cost you extra tuition dollars.)

Sources:  National Center for Education Statistics, NACADA,  College Grotto
(c) 2011-2016 Robyn King.  All Rights Reserved.

The Truth About Mental Health: A Virtual Panic Attack

 Source:  Soul Pancake

(c) 2011-2016 Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.

Wellness Wisdom: Types of Sexual Assault

Types of Sexual Violence

Rape: forced sexual intercourse, including vaginal, anal, or oral penetration. Penetration may be by a body part or an object. Rape victims may be forced through threats or physical means. In about 8 out of 10 rapes, no weapon is used other than physical force. Anyone may be a victim of rape: women, men or children, straight or gay.

Acquaintance Rape: Acquaintance assault involves coercive sexual activities that occur against a person's will by means of force, violence, duress, or fear of bodily injury. These sexual activities are imposed upon them by someone they know (a friend, date, acquaintance, etc.).

Child Sexual Abuse: sexual contact by force, trickery, or bribery where there is an imbalance in age, size, power, or knowledge.

Dating and domestic violence: any act, attempt, or threat of force by a family member or intimate partner against another family member. Dating and domestic violence occurs in all socioeconomic, educational, racial, and age groups. The issues of power and control are at the heart of family violence. The batterer uses acts of violence and a series of behaviors to gain power and control.

Drug facilitated assault: when drugs or alcohol are used to compromise an individual's ability to consent to sexual activity. In addition, drugs and alcohol are often used in order to minimize the resistance and memory of the victim of a sexual assault. Alcohol remains the most commonly used chemical in crimes of sexual assault, but there are also substances being used by perpetrators including: Rohypnol, GHB, GBL, etc.

Incest: sexual contact between persons who are so closely related that their marriage is illegal (e.g., parents and children, uncles/aunts and nieces/nephews, etc.). This usually takes the form of an older family member sexually abusing a child or adolescent. Incest is considered by many experts to be a particularly damaging form of sexual abuse because it is perpetrated by individuals upon whom the victim trusts and depends. In addition, support can also be lacking and pressure to keep silent powerful as fear of the family breaking up can be overwhelming to other family members.

Male Sexual Assault
Men can be raped.  Male victims of sexual assault are an often forgotten population--unseen, neglected, and under-served.

Partner Rape is defined as sexual acts committed without a person's consent and/or against a person's will when the perpetrator is the individual's current partner (married or not), previous partner, or roommate/housemate.

• Battering rape- the experience of both physical and sexual violence within a relationship. Some may experience physical abuse during the sexual assault. Others may experience sexual assault after a physical assault as an attempt to "make up."
• Force-only rape- motivated by a perpetrator's need to demonstrate power and maintain control. Therefore, he/she asserts his/her feelings of entitlement over his/her partner in the form of forced sexual contact.
• Obsessive/Sadistic rape- involves torture and perverse sexual acts. Such rape is characteristically violent and often leads to physical injury.

Sexual exploitation by a helping professional: sexual contact of any kind between a helping professional (doctor, therapist, teacher, priest, professor, police officer, lawyer, etc.) and a client/patient.

Hate Crime: the victimization of an individual based on that individual's race, religion, national origin, ethnic identification, gender, or sexual orientation. While any targeted group can experience rape and sexual assault as a form of hate crime, there are two groups that are often noted for being victims of this particular form of hate crime.

• Women: Many believe that all violence against women, including rape and sexual assault, is a hate crime because it is not simply a violent act, but is "an act of misogyny, or hatred of women" (Copeland & Wolfe, 1991).
• People in the LGBT Community: Members of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgendered (LGBT) community are often targets of hate crimes, many of which include rape or sexual assault

Sexual harassment: unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature in which submission to or rejection of such conduct explicitly or implicitly affects an individual's work or school performance or creates an intimidating, hostile, or offensive work or school environment.

• Quid pro quo- When a perpetrator makes conditions of employment contingent on the victim providing sexual favors. This type of harassment is less common.
• Hostile environment- When unwelcome, severe and persistent sexual conduct on the part of a perpetrator creates an uncomfortable and hostile environment (e.g., jokes, lewd postures, leering, inappropriate touching, rape, etc.). This type of harassment constitutes up to 95% of all sexual harassment cases.

Stalking occurs when an individual follows a pattern of behavior that leaves someone else feeling afraid, nervous, harassed, or in danger.

Stranger Rape: 3 Major Categories

1. Blitz sexual assault- The perpetrator rapidly and brutally assaults the victim with no prior contact. Blitz assaults usually occur at night in a public place.
2. Contact sexual assault- The suspect contacts the victim and tries to gain her or his trust and confidence before assaulting her or him. Contact perpetrators pick their victims in bars, lure them into their cars, or otherwise try to coerce the victim into a situation of sexual assault.
3. Home invasion sexual assault- When a stranger breaks into the victim's home to commit the assault.

Source:  Moving to End Sexual Assault


(c) 2011-2016 Robyn King. All Rights Reserved.