From the Counselor's Desk: Relationships: The Breakup Recovery Plan (Step 1)

[Note: Although this entry was written for a woman in a heterosexual relationship, these same principles will help anyone whose relationship has ended.]

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Whether you were together for two weeks, six months, or four years, breakups hurt. A LOT. What’s worse, they can be really hard to get past. A breakover is a set plan that moves you from the initial pain of a breakup to re-creating your life into what you want, better than what you had, with your confidence lifted and personal integrity intact. With the help of Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt (authors of It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken), here is Step 1 of The Breakover Plan:

1. No contact for 60 days. No calls. No texts. No checking out his Facebook page. No drive-bys. No dropping in unannounced. No stalking. No going to his workplace. No contact. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. This is perhaps the most important--and difficult--task to tackle, but having no contact with your ex gives you the emotional distance necessary for complete recovery from a breakup. The no-contact rule also goes for his family and friends. Do not text, call or visit his mother, or hang out with his friends to find out how he's doing. BIG no-no. Remember this: space and time are healthy and absolutely necessary right now.

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I know, I know...that's definitely not what you wanted to hear. But it has to be done for your own well-being. So how do you do it? Erase him from your immediate world. Block his number and delete text messages from your cell phone. Unfriend him on Facebook (change your status back to Single while you're at it). Junk his emails. Stay away from the places you know he hangs out. Sixty days sounds like an eternity when your heart and dreams for the future have just been stomped on, but it can be done (I'm living proof of it myself). On your calendar or planner, mark Day 1, Day 30 and Day 60. Put a big red “X” on each day you get through. Watch and be proud of your progress. Some days will be better than others. It will certainly get easier as time passes. On Day 30, if you’ve had no contact, reward yourself with something like a mani/pedi or a movie. On Day 60 (woo-hoo...you did it!), make the reward bigger. However, if you backslide (explained later), you must start all over at Day 1.

Next step: 2: Get Yourself a Breakup Buddy