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Damage Control
With a tip of my hat to David Eddie and Pat Lynch, not one of us is immune from saying something we regretted the moment it falls out of our mouths, or acting like a bonehead on occasion. When this happens within the context of a relationship, the priority is to set into motion a sincere recovery plan ASAP.
Beverly Engel adds that damage control " is an important ritual, a way of showing respect and empathy for the wronged person. It is also a way of acknowledging an act that, if otherwise left unnoticed, might compromise the relationship. Apology has the ability to disarm others of their anger and to prevent further misunderstandings. While an apology cannot undo harmful past actions, if done sincerely and effectively, it can undo the negative effects of those actions."
Simply stated, when you are wrong, say so right away and do whatever it takes to regain your partner's respect for and trust in you.
Dating
Beverly Engel adds that damage control " is an important ritual, a way of showing respect and empathy for the wronged person. It is also a way of acknowledging an act that, if otherwise left unnoticed, might compromise the relationship. Apology has the ability to disarm others of their anger and to prevent further misunderstandings. While an apology cannot undo harmful past actions, if done sincerely and effectively, it can undo the negative effects of those actions."
Simply stated, when you are wrong, say so right away and do whatever it takes to regain your partner's respect for and trust in you.
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Even when a couple is together for some time, it’s important to make time to do the things that brought you together in the first place. Take turns planning a date night (they don’t have to cost a lot of money if you get creative), and put these dates on your calendars. Agree to go on a date AT LEAST once a month, but once a week is better. Don’t talk about the kids, the bills, the drama in your lives…the idea is to focus on the two of you, and how much you appreciate your partner’s presence in your life. It gives you the opportunity to look forward to time alone, and makes tackling the day-to-day rigors of life just a bit easier.
Good partnerships are built on many components, not the least of which is dependability. When you completely trust your partner, you feel safe and secure in the relationship, knowing that he/she has your back when needed. Doing what you say you will when it needs to be done shows not only your personal integrity, but demonstrates to your partner that you really are on the same team, working toward common goals. There's a great deal of comfort in that.
Diplomacy means looking out for the other person's feelings, and minding your best manners. Think back to when you first met, and both were completely tuned into each other, and put your best foot-forward: are you still behaving the same way? Being polite, using tact and discretion, honoring your partner's opinions and feelings are elements that should not end once you've decided to be exclusive. In fact, being diplomatic is just good behavior, period, regardless of your relationship status.
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Discretion
Couples in healthy relationships are discreet; they don't "kiss and tell" or "air their dirty laundry." They keep private matters private. So, what happens between the two of you is your business only. It has no place on Facebook, texts or yapping to your friends and family. When building a strong bond, both partners need to agree on the importance of discretion, so that what happens in the context of the relationship will not be shared in any way (unless you both agree to share, that is).
(c) 2012 Robyn M. Posson
(c) 2012 Robyn M. Posson
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