Self-Esteem
In truly healthy relationships, your belief in yourself stays strong (and often increases) as you grow together. You feel good about yourself and how your partner treats you.
Sexual Fulfillment
At the risk of stating the obvious, sex is a vital component of healthy relationships: it creates an intimate bond, is an expression of your love for each other, an excellent stress-reliever, it feels good and it's fun!
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Ideally, you are both giving and receiving the amount of sexual intimacy you each need. Sometimes a couple's desires temporarily get out of sync. However, if one of you--over time--wants less or more than the other, or wants to do it in a way that your partner isn't comfortable with, it's time to have a sit-down and discuss it openly when neither of you is upset. Like anything else in building a healthy relationship, honest and non-threatening communication is way to best come to a compromise. Define what sex means to you, state your needs and wants honestly to your partner, and be very clear of what you're not willing to do. Then you will agree on a plan that works for the both of you.
Get comfortable discussing sex regularly. Check in to see if your partner is feeling fulfilled, understanding that your plan can be tweaked at any time--with both parties in agreement. If after attempts to create a plan fail and you're still not on the same page sexually, seek the help of a professional...and not necessarily a sex therapist. In lots of cases, the issues that get in the way of a healthy sexual life have little to do with sex. If this is where the two of you are at, make this important investment in your partnership together.
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Social Skills
A healthy couple enjoys being together in public, either with friends and family, or out on their own. They are free to spend time with others and not feel that their relationship is threatened. The desire to introduce each other to friends and family members should exist. Mutual respect is a requirement, and that respect is reflected in how others are treated. There is no name-calling, screaming, degrading, embarrassing or nasty words or behaviors. Disagreements are considered personal matters, and are dealt with in private with the goal of a win-win result. Good manners are commonplace; the "best foot forward" behaviors demonstrated in the early days of dating continue. Every.day.
Surprises
Think back to the time when someone threw you a surprise party. How did that feel? Hopefully, after the initial shock faded and your heart rate returned to normal, you felt pretty special. The people in attendance thought enough of you to spice up your day and show how much they love and appreciate you.
Healthy couples enjoy sharing little, unexpected selfless gestures of love and appreciation, too. Surprises don't have to cost a lot of cash, but do take a bit of effort to plan: a card sent to her office, a note tucked in his coat pocket, a single flower on her windshield, arranging for uninterrupted time (and a tray of snacks) so he can watch a football game, making dinner so she doesn't have to (and doing the dishes).
Remember that the motivation behind surprising your sweetie is love and appreciation...and not from a sense of obligation, guilt or wanting something in return. And for heaven's sake, don't say, "Look what I did for you!" That's a dead giveaway that you're looking for brownie points for yourself, rather than making your partner feel special. Allow your main squeeze the pleasure of showing you how much you're appreciated in return.
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